EMDR and Shame — How Shame Keeps You Stuck

Shame is one of the most painful emotions we can experience. Unlike guilt, which says “I did something bad,” shame says “I am bad.” It roots itself deep in our nervous system, often tied to early life experiences, trauma, or relationships where we felt unseen, unsafe, or not enough.

Many clients don’t even realize they’re carrying shame until they begin therapy. It’s sneaky and quiet. It shows up in thoughts like:

• “I’m not good enough.”

• “People will leave me if they really knew me.”

• “I shouldn’t need help.”

How Shame Affects Your Day-to-Day Life

Shame impacts more than just your emotions — it can shape how you show up in your relationships, work, and daily functioning. You might:

• Avoid conflict or hide how you truly feel

• Struggle with self-worth or imposter syndrome

• Feel stuck in perfectionism or people-pleasing

• Sabotage relationships or push people away

• Constantly apologize or over-explain yourself

Shame convinces you that you need to hide in order to be accepted.

EMDR Can Help Heal Shame

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) helps you gently access and reprocess the memories that created shame in the first place. Many of these memories formed early in life — and EMDR allows your brain to “update” them with your current understanding and sense of safety.

Clients often describe feeling lighter, more compassionate toward themselves, and more confident in their relationships after doing this work.

You are not broken — you’ve just been carrying too much for too long. EMDR can help you release what was never yours to hold in the first place.